I feel that I am considered an outcast within the family because I cant accept it. Jennifer garner is very suddenly three months ago, siblings, my father is the birth. I lived there from 2005 to around 2011. It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. I feel that his relationship is a violation of my mothers memory because he is better to this woman than he ever was my mother. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. Update: My dad officially proposed and she accepted. I lost my mother almost a year ago (Feb. 2008) and my father started spending time with an old friend from his past, 8 months later. I am 56 and still feel the same way. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. I just pray so much that the lady he is dating is the woman she says she is and that she and I can find a way to bond over common interests. I told her wed probably be gone by then and for 1000 a month Id rather pay into my own living space not just a small room.. but she stated I should want to stay and help my mom. Like he didnt really want to be here. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. Without going into to much detail, I explained to my children that I will always love Daddy and that he will always have a special place in my heart but Im still here and I want to live life. My sister and her family went to surprise them. I believe that you could give the other person a chance to get to know them, isolation doesnt help in any way. It stayed this way up until very recently, when my dad met his new girlfriend. I lost my mom to septic shock after routine gallbladder surgery at the end of October, 09. Let me be clear- I am thrilled that my dad has a companion in his life- they have fun together and hes got a traveling companion. Dont be so hard on yourself! tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. She will leave him for up to three weeks at a time without a visit. I dont know if Im reading to much into this. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. Plus were were having a terrible time finding a priest. I can tell you how it was for me as a child losing a Mum and within days and weeks feeling uncomfortable in my own home and as an adult with all the knowledge about sex drives and rights to a new life. I was raised with 2 moms who spent their lives together for 50 years together my mothers adopted us me and my eldest sister my mom who acted as the father type in our family died 2018. PERFECT example of entitlement in this societyME ME ME, and Im not talkin about me. As executor, you could have him evicted. He was a workaholic. I actually think I will call her today and see if she wants to see a movie. My fathers house is about 5 minutes drive away and even less from my sisters home. By letting go, you are taking control of your life rather than letting your emotions control you. I am glad I came across this website and Im not alone. He still craved that companionship and the want to be close to a woman again. While I did take some of my moms belongings out of the house when my she passed with my Dads permission there are still things in the house that belonged to her and my grandmother. Trying to make me feel bad I guess, but I was so happy to have a place for myself. 9 Likes, 0 Comments - Life Coach (@lindadrosdowech) on Instagram: I was struggling after my dad died with my moms dementia, extended family issues, and oh yeah, I was blaitantly lied to and now i feel like the family outcast, Im never invited to anything they do, and dont fit in. Your email address will not be published. The complete opposite. I encouraged him to go? He and my Mom did everything together and she spoiled him. My father has now moved in with his girlfriend and lives in her house. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. When she called the house and I answered the phone, she asked whos this as if it were any of her business. Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. My dad began dating a woman about 5 or 6 months later. If the PR prevails at trial, brother will need to move out within a few days, or the sheriff will forcibly remove him. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. My mom is extremely independent and self-sufficient (she is a program manager at her job), and it's a big shock to hear her talk the way she does, like she can't do anything without my dad. I feel like my dad is picking her crazy over our hstory together. Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. John Pete is a spiritual writer, founder of Daily Grief Quotes on Facebook, and was a Certified Grief Counselor for over 10-years . Reconciliation,would never be accompanied by any apology. I accept him having a companion, but not one that draws a wedge between him and I. I dont think Ill ever be able to except her. Even as if it. Wait. But after the movie, we are able to move on because we harbor no feelings of guilt or regret. PRIOR TO MY MUM HAD DIED MY BROTHER MOVED IN AND MARRIED A PHILLPINE Mom was the only parent to make me feel special and love me unconditionally. I don't mean any offence by this, but try to keep a watch on how much alcohol she is drinking. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. When I first heard this from my father I thought there is no way you love her or even did if you are replacing her. I accepted that caring for her was as simple as asking her every day how she was doing on her own, listening to her share about the manipulations of her favourite soap opera characters, pick up meatballs to enjoy when she had made extra, and let her know about my day and my kids day so that we maintained a vital connection and strong bond during an extremely challenging and unique global experience. It hurts, but we all must take a stand for what we truly believe is acceptable. 03/10/2020 23:12. I understand he has to get on with his life but he picked the first thing that came along and I think he feels like he has to settle because of his facial/body disfigurments. Dont expect me to be part of your relationship. Being issued with a guest towel was terrible. One thing is for sure, just as our parents could never select our friends or mates in life we neither can select theirs. I am doing my best to not relive those painful moments when I was a bratto acknowledge that I was simply being a teenager. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. Currently, Alexandra is in her first year of business school at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. He does not remember telling us the night of the wake we have our lives and I have mine live them. Ive come to the conclusion that family, honor and duty seem to be archaic concepts in our society today. We became friends and built such a great friendship with her. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives,(it will get a little better) the isolation, the depression, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. has taken our frustration to a new level. After reading all these stories i feel like i am reading about myself. That was tough, as it was my Moms house too and this woman just moved in and took over. She took some wrinkle cream back to the shop when she was about 85 to complain it had not worked. Know that even if they fumble over the right words to say, or text you a meme when you were hoping for sincerity in that moment, that they love you, and are trying. He is so eagerly adopting a new family and a new identity, that it makes me wonder who he truly is and what/who he truly stands for. I dont want him to feel abandoned or cast aside. He lives alone just waiting for her to phone or say she will visit him. The trip was uncomfortable. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. From summer to fall 2015 he would call different relatives to tell them he would be making big changes soon and moving on with his life. You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. Hi, please somebody help me this is unlike anything Ive been able to find on the Internet. Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. First of all, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend much time alone for the first two weeks or so. She was only 59 years old. She was diagnosed in 1999 and suffered through 4 years of chemo treatments and finally succumbed to the disease. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. Im even more upset about that than I am about my Dad trying to hide what has been going on with this woman. & also He prefers giving orders more than and expressing himself & He believe in an olderly person having a final say & He hardly listern to you. We, siblings were there daily for them as they went through this and Dad was very needy, calling me 3 to 4 times a day, wanting me to come over and sit with him. I believe that acceptance and clear communication is important for both parties. Unfortunately she has a big drinking problem, and after 9 yrs together my father couldnt support this any longer. The scars from this involvement will never heal. It's always hard to deal with the loss of your parents.Im so sorry for your loss. My mother and biological father died within two months of each o It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. My mother passed away 30 days ago. In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. I simply have no interest whatsoever in this woman. At one point he said he was going to end the relationship to make me happy, but I know that isnt the solution either. My mom passed away in Nov. 2010. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. I rubbed my eyes and quickly jumped out of bed, faster than I've ever done anything in my life. He hit me with the bombshell today that they are now an item. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, me and her were so close. Anyway we finally got one and my Dad ordered the doctor and nurse to do it now, and not wait for my Brother. I almost swallowed my own tongue after hearing him say that. Forcing a new person on a family who are still going through that process with scant regard for their emotional state is not a thing that should be embarked on lightly. I later learned she did not want me to come around. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad. Practice remembering hard, so that you still can when you're older. Up to protect her passing. I understand that my father needs companionship, but I do not feel that it would be too insensitive to ask him to please wait just a bit longer, even a few weeks longer- so that we can at least get used to the idea. (My sisters name is Julie, too.) He once sent me a live version of Glen Campbells MacArthur Park and noted: Just listen to the bridge from 2:00 minutes until 4:20. I feel like my papa is such a difficult and selfish person who doesnt consider the feelings of his children. It made the situation so much worse. The fall out from J taking this woman as his partner were more disastrous than I ever could have imagined. Many of you are older than I am, live apart from your surviving parents, and still struggle with these feelings of betrayal, loss, and hurt. I truly believe that he never let himself grieve and accept my mothers death. Perhaps the longer the marriage, the greater their need to have another companion someone to soothe their hurt. Wn we would try to bring it up to him it became Dont you want me to be happy? I know you were close, but no matter how close there was a distance between you and he that is based on age and generation gapping. Now that that's over, she has no idea where she is. He makes excuses but we all know if she wanted him there hed be there immediately even if he had to take a taxi. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. My sister, brother, and I only were told one month before she passed that my Mom was going to die. My father was communicating within days or weeks with this woman. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. I found out that life wasnt over, that I could laugh again, that I could feel almost like the happy person that I have always been, and that it was a possibility that I could be happy again with someone else. Please Open the Door and the path to a new relationship, to a new future together as a family. I have said from the beginning, my father us a grown man and he can do whatever he wants, but it doesnt mean I have to like it. Is this legal? For him, its not good enough that we have a nice relationship with her he wants us to be one big, happy, loving family. I feel this women is just looking to have someone take care of her and support her, and that she is hoping to move into my parents house. I cant help but wonder what happens in the afterlife when a person has been married multiple times? But I also discovered how essential and how caring it is to just make contact with a loved one. Like others have explained, I also feel like I have lost my father. For (mostly) financial reasons, my brother and I are still living with my father while we attend college. I would make sure to talk about my I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. Give him a break. I suppose if you married an orphan and there is no family to consider that may seem just fine. This story is long, and if youve reached this point, i mean just finish it off . NTA your mom's "bUt fAmiLY" was just a manipulation to get her bills paid. I went next. We practice fire drills, so that in the event of an emergency, these things arent new to us. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. My dad broke up with this woman. Shortly after that, he asked us if we would have our children call her grandma. Should I try to truly deeply understand them more? my parents were married for 42 years. I felt such resentment towards my father-in-law because I had tried to accept openly welcome Irene as a part of our new family picture to preserve the family and to have this kind of thing done so childishly behind my husbands back was just too much for us. But I feel myself being divided from my dad and a slap in the face to my Mom if there is something going on. WebIn 2010 my aunt needed someone to stay in the house with her or eventually go into a nursing facility. Try to establish a friendship with her for her own qualities and so you can feel comfortable talking to her about the loss of your mother and your grief. But I do agree the but family thing is just bs. Not only was I having a year of so many firsts already, facing it without one of the most influential and important people in my life was unfathomable. Your relationship is decades longer, and your link to your father is through a woman no longer alive. I feel bad more for my sisters, but also why cant my mother get a job & step up for them? Posted November 9, 2013. What will I do? she said. Ive tried reminding him that while our mom was still alive, it was normal and non-threatening for us each to have our separate relationships with our mom and with our dad, and then the combined relationship with all. People of all ages show complete selfishness and display the behaviour sometimes associated with petulant teenagers! Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. Though he was ready to enter into this relationship, the kids werent ready for it and its quick progression. She is helping us by taking care of him. After so many years we do not feel we can cut and run. It helped me to learn ways to understand my feelings and cope with them. I'm very sorry for your loss. In November I found out he met another woman online and was planning to move in with her once I graduated college. Well Since that time he has reversed his mind, moved his girlfriend in and invited her on the cruise he offered to take me, my wife, my brother and his wife on while we sat at the hospice the night before my mom died. Now, he is practically living with her. I am just not going to feel sorry for someone who is disliked by both her family and his. I began to date the Widower almost 1 1/2 years following her passing. You will never trust your fathers love for you again. And i think its to soon it really makes my stomach upset when i hear her name or see her with my dad. He never really talks about anything and normally wont tell you if hes upset until he ends up blowing his top. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. Its as if, as long as HIS needs, HIS desires are met, to heck with EVERYONE else. If we had to make a 100 mile round trip to save her a 2 mile detour hed want to save her the trouble. Ive tried telling him this, but he just insists that if she isnt part of something, he wont be either. She is also my age (53). it was like he was showing the new woman off. And not ever having one now he wants one. I realized that you dont move past ityou go through it, and you continue to go through it, like youre paddling in a canoe through a muddied river. Many thanks. Im a good mother a little over protective but i mean well and they know it and love me regardless. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. I have a huge problem with this. We all need the support of the family, during the process of grieving and for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. Bringing in a stranger so soon after the death of a spouse and abandoning your own family during the time they need you the most is inexcusable. I knew why he was going, but he was not being honest about it. I felt this when I was on top of the world on the ledge of a boulder in the middle of Lake Cumberland, KY, the summer I decided to get 14 people together and rent a houseboat for a week. I wish there was a Facebook group like this page, as much as I would love to talk to my friends about such a situation like the one I am in, I feel like none of them can relate. 4) he has been calling family members talking about how miserable he has been and that he will be getting married in the same church where he and my mother were married and moving the new wife into the house where he and my mother lived for over ten years. And the awkwardness of discussing my mom in front of her is almost unbearable but it is inevitable that my mom is going to come up because my daughter WILL know who her grandmother was. She went on vacation with her friends this past week (it was a pre-planned vacation and she didn't want to go, but we convinced her it would be a good idea for her to go). We are fine with him being with her, but cant handle her visiting in my mother-in-laws home sitting in her chair. Worse still, he is in ICU with a poor prognosis and I am expected to defer to her. I feel like he is being selfish. I am not a heartless jerk on the contrary, I am a loving, dedicated father and have much to give why waste a day living in sorrow and lonliness on this earth when the time God has given us is so short? He said, Absolutely not. Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! Because she is human. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? It's okay to be heartbroken; you won't lose that deep connection with him. Below are the six things I learned to do in life, which helped me to survive the past six years: This is very clichd, I agree, but that doesn't make it any less valid. Boy was she right. My fathers death hits me most deeply when Im driving in the car by myself, listening to the 70s Sirius XM radio station. I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. You may assume you bring all this joy to the mans life, and you think of your own needs in justifying the relationship, but as a woman, I feel that the disrespect to my mothers memory and to family, even if I seem to be the only one devastated, angry and in grieving now for the loss of my dad due to the girlfriend, is beyond anything I would bring to the children of that family if I were thinking of swooping up a widower 4 months after the death of a spouse. I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. Once my sister and I got married and moved out, she continued cooking for my dad and her and wed pick up the extra sauce and meatballs to have during the week. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. They visit for birthdays and events. So I concentrate on making myself and my son happy for right now. I basically kicked her out of my home. My mother seemed to have a feeling that my dad would move on quickly. For this I will be eternally grateful to him because even though this should be the norm for any family its not always that way. She would do something appalling and be banned from my sister or my home. Forgiveness will change your life and set you free. He has called me several times, but as time passes it's gotten less and less. needing someone to soothe his hurts. Its ok to be sad/messed up! She sighs constantly and it seems like basic things are just really difficult for her to do. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. My mom was dads age, a size 14, short, and conservative looking with a mom-type haircut. When someone dies, especially a mother, the significant other isnt the only one to suffer a loss, it involves the entire family. The crazy part is they all had both parents in their lives. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. The first thought in our minds was that they were seeing each other. Its something that I cant control and I probably will never like her. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. I am married and living about an hour from my parents house. Death is a hard and complicated thing. It was a very difficult 10-12 years. I told myself that I could never forgive myself if something happened to my father too.It worked somewhat in that I tried as hard as I could. If she cannot accept the girlfriendjust as I cant accept my dads girlfriendsometimes we must make choices others dont agree with. When my best friend Sallys father passed away in 7th grade, I attended the funeral, and held her hand. Ive finally accepted that he hasnt replaced my Mom, he just wants companionship and to be happy again.